This is more for Coralynn and my memory than for my normal readers, but don't let that stop you. :)
Coralynn Ambyr Flannery's Birth story:
This is my third child, so even though I know every birth is different I still expected it to be more of the same, maybe even a little easier since 3 and 2 were so close together.
I couldn't have been more wrong - from start to finish this has been such a different experience.
I found out I was pregnant with the other two by a feeling - I just knew and then confirmed with tests and doctors. With this one I was lying on the gurney prepping for surgery for an unknown mass and suddenly everything was cancelled because little Cora was already growing inside.
From there it seemed that everything would follow the pattern of her siblings. She grew and grew and grew and I did too. The swelling was a bit worse with this one than with Kryton, and as far as Jason and I can remember there was no swelling with Alisabeth. Still, I didn't really think about it, and definitely didn't realize I should be concerned.
I brought it up to the midwife once and she gave the normal recommendations. A month later I brought it up to the doctor who prescribed compression stockings which only made things worse. Two weeks later I complained again and this time he did a little more investigation and I saw a moment of concern register on his face. Blood tests, a 24 hour urine sample, and some other fun things soon followed.
Combine this with all of the stress I was adding to my life and it's really not surprising that I was diagnosed with preeclampsia. Jason got a new job with Dell Security, requiring us to move cross-country, find somewhere to live long-distance, sell our house here, meaning we needed to pack and clean the place, I had to quit my job earlier than anticipated, made more stressful by the current items left on my to-do list that weren't very easy to pass on to a co-worker, and lastly the normal job of trying to take care of my kids. Poor Cora was getting the short end of the stick, I can understand why she would want to throw in a few waves to get a little attention. :) Just kidding, she had very little to do with it.
Well, now that we knew it was preeclampsia, there was really only 1 thing to do. Change all plans and prepare to deliver at 37 weeks. From everything I've learned that's the only way to clear up the problem for good. So plane tickets were cancelled and shifted. Housing and other plans were shifted. Our church stepped in to help and provide meals and care for the kids as I cut my already shortened work-time even shorter by several weeks. All in all it was an emotional week. To top it off, the diagnosis and all of the changes came the day Jason had to leave to drive our goods to Georgia. There wasn't really another viable choice because he started work a week later and it was a 4 day drive.
So I bawled off and on for the next five days trying to keep it under control and not be stressed and keep my blood pressure down.
Finally Nana arrived on Saturday, and I felt my second relief. I tried to relax, but my house was slowly turning into a pigsty and I just couldn't leave well enough alone.
Monday afternoon I got up after trying to put Kryton down for a nap, and something just snapped. There were toys everywhere, dirt everywhere, the kids needed lunch and I started in on it mercilessly. Less than a minute later Alisbeth took one look at me and asked "Mom, are you alright?"
I was holding my belly against what felt like a massive pulled muscle across the entire lower stomach. Needless to say I sat down and just tried to hold Kryton while my mom took over and finished off my small list of chores including lunch for the kids.
After about 45 minutes the pain was still there and I hadn't felt her move more than once. I tried to remain calm and called the dr's office to move up my stress test appointment from 3 to that moment, but they told me to go to the hospital instead since it was lunch time.
Our neighbor hurried over to watch the kids and my mom drove me down. I tried again and again to feel little Coralynn's movements, but nothing. As we parked I was barely holding back my panic and as the elevator doors closed to take us up to maternity the dam broke. By the time I hit the nurse's station I was a mess and they immediately hooked me up to a monitor. As soon as I heard the flutter of her heartbeat I felt such an intense relief. She was perfectly fine, a lot better, in fact, than her mother whose blood pressure had skyrocketed to 186/100something.
They monitored me for over an hour as my BP slowly fell down into the 168 range over high nineties - a terrible BP, for those who don't know. Then they contacted the doctor and admitted me a few minutes later. I was started on pitocin and magnesium by 4:30, and the fun began.
I progressed at a steady pace. By the time I reach a 5 and 65% I knew this labor was going to be like Krytons. I was already shaking from the strength of the contractions, and though I was focusing better, we still had a way to go and the pain was rising along with my BP. My doctor had already told me that his recommendation for all preclamptic pregnancies was an epidural, so I gave in and called the anesthetist. It took him a while - an eternity it seemed, but eventually I found myself hugging a pillow while mild pricks went into my back. The guy was perfect. I've heard all different stories from the extreme worst to the very best and I'm pretty sure that my first time was the best. Heaven help the next anesthetist if we have another kid :)
Soon after he got it in and I lay back against the pillows I felt the next contraction come, but it was different. "Uh, nurse, I think it's time to push?"
She had been carefully starting the process of prepping the room, assuming that the 5 she had felt prior to ordering the epidural meant we had plenty of time. She looked at me and then started to hurry her pace a little.
The next contraction, "Yeah there's definitely something moving down the birth canal."
She did a quick check and didn't have to go far before reaching the baby's head. Leaving everything where it was she rushed from the room to call the doctor back to the hospital. She gave him 15 minutes to get there.
When she got back I was having my third contraction and could feel the body/head move into position. "I'm pretty sure he's crowing."
She hurries from the room again to let him know that 15 was too high an estimate. He had 5.
6 minutes later and two more contractions with no help from me and the doc was suited up. (Well, in his casual clothes with the labor and delivery outfit hurriedly placed on top). She moved the bed out of the way, he stepped forward - still about six inches away and said "Okay, on the next one you can probably push."
The next one had just started, so I obeyed and his eyes widened as Cora slipped easily out. He caught her just in time, although the umbilical cord was wrapped around her a couple of times and kept her from going very far. (Not around her neck, just her body).
She gave us all a good wail of frustration a moment or two later and off she was whisked to clean her up while the doctor finished with me.
Soon after he got the placenta out she was rolled down the hall to the NICU and I looked around. "I don't feel good."
The nurse snapped her attention to me, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. Super tired." So I closed my eyes.
Next thing I know the nurse what shaking me awake and calling my name. Apparently I had passed out several times and even began to seizure, but came out of it quickly and with clarity. I looked at the alarmed faces of everyone in the room and answered their questions easily. For me it had been a very short nap, I even had a dream though I can't remember the details.
After that I was under much more scrutiny. Although my new little one was cleared from the room by 9, I was stuck there until at least ten thirty as they watched and monitored to make sure I wasn't going south again.
After eating a small sandwich and some crackers I was finally moved into a new room and soon after I was asleep.
That didn't last long of course, but I got in a few sporadic bursts throughout the night. Headaches (side effect of the magnesium), discomfort, dizziness, and even nausea have been my friends throughout the day, but that's the worst of it. The bleeding isn't bad, although my hemoglobin levels were down earlier. I feel good though, especially after being allowed to take a bath/shower and get cleaned up.
Cora was released from the NICU after 12 hours of observation, but stayed for a few more due to my condition. Now, however, we're together and loving it. She's strong and healthy. Beautiful color with only minor lethargy probably due in part to the magnesium. She's eating well, and latches well, and her grip is strong.
Little Cora, I hope you never have to wonder how much you are loved. I was so worried for you, I could not bear the thought of losing you before I got to meet you, and now that I have I love you even more. Thank you my precious daughter, for joining our family and putting up with my health issues. You never once showed signs of strain. I sense that this is part of who you are, but only time will tell. I am excited to meet you as you learn everything I can about you. Have patience with me, I think we'll both need it :)
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Monday, June 2, 2014
A time to be served.
I sit here staring out the window at one of the largest non-commercial moving trucks I've ever seen. Behind it sits a car dolly with my van on it and inside the two vehicles are everything I own save a few clothes and tools that I will need in the coming weeks. My husband sits behind the steering wheel going over the route one more time and then he hits the gas and the truck groans in agony as it pulls away. It's similar to the nervous agony I always feel as I watch him drive away on a long trip. It used to be the 4 hour jaunt to Salt Lake for work, or the two day trip down to Arizona, but today it's a 4 day trip across the continent. I think the hardest part of watching him leave is simply that my own departure seems insanely far away.
I had all my plans, I had everything booked and readied. I thought we were covered and set and I was all settled in and prepped for the short duration as I finish work, get Alisabeth done with school, and then head to our new home where we would have our third child and live happily ever after.
I should have known that was too easy. :)
Instead a significant swelling began a few months ago, worse than I'd had during the first two pregnancies. I could live with swelling though, it would go away eventually once the baby was born. Then came the high blood pressure. Not just high, high enough that my doctor's eyes widened in disbelief. From perfectly normal two weeks before to nearly 160 over something in the 90's. I don't know what those numbers mean, of course, but the nurse's concern and the doctor's immediate prescription of no more doing anything and having to relax got my attention.
Two weeks later (today) I went in again. This time there's protein in the urine, my blood pressure was 143 over 90something and the swelling is getting worse, especially in the morning when I can't even press my lips together because my entire face feels like a blowfish all poofed out. Today he decided that not only can I NOT fly out to give birth in Atlanta, but he's also taking the baby early. I'm at 35.5 weeks now, so 1.5 weeks from now Ambyr Lynn will see the world for the first time, ready or not.
Suddenly the entire world shifted and all of my carefully laid plans fell into the giant sinkhole that opened beneath my feet. The shock still hasn't really caught up to me. I have so much to do, and now I literally have no time to do it in. I was supposed to finish a bunch of audits stuff at work, doc says I would be better off not working at all, but I can't just leave everything in pieces, so I'm at least finishing out the week. We still have a car to deal with, and a house, and I have to babies who I'm not supposed to run after, but that's nearly impossible with an eighteen month old. On top of that I was REALLY counting on these last two weeks to finish cleaning and sprucing the house (I figured I would be able to do an hour a day without stressing my body too much, but that's not going to happen now either).
I've been crying off and on all day when I think about it, so I try not to. I've always tried to be the strong one. Nothing kills me more than helplessness, and yet, here I sit on my couch wondering how much it's going to hurt to stand up and head to bed with the kids, or if I'll even be able to sleep because of how uncomfortable the swelling can get.
And thus I find that it's time, once again, to learn the humbling lesson of being served. Christ does it for me all the time, but I guess I've grown accustomed to that, which is a problem in and of itself. Now, however, I have to accept that I really can do nothing of myself. The only way my kids are going to get taken care of is to plead and accept help from the many many people around me. So I post a quiet plea on facebook, knowing that it's family night and the chances of it being seen quickly are probably low. Not five minutes later I have a response. "I have everything on your list and more, what else do you need? How about dinner tomorrow? What time will you be home?"
A second response within minutes of the first, "I'll make dinner Thursday, what else can I do?" (This from the woman who already agreed to watch my kids all day for three days while I work.)
Then the barrage hits and I am literally overwhelmed by messages of concern and offers of items, and toys and things for the kids and for me.
Compound this with gifts from neighbors and others so that when we travel the children will have new coloring books, toys and crayons for the trip, letters and visits of love and how much we'll be missed. Cards, last minute dinner invitations, laughter and friends and it's no wonder we'll miss this area so much. The people here are so willing to share what God has given them, whether it's a smile and a phone call, or dinner and toys for a few weeks.
My house is bare and yet it has never felt so full. My heart is full too.
Then I had to go and read this month's message from our prophet. It's a message we're supposed to take and share with each other as women of the church, a simple message really, but so poignant and perfect in this moment: Christ lived a life of service and we are to serve and minister as he has done. When we do we bless lives and point others toward Him.
Well, isn't that the truth. I have definitely been blessed, and my thoughts immediately turned in gratitude toward my God who has always, and will ALWAYS provide a way for us.
I understand that it's our duty to serve, but the only way that's possible is if someone is willing to accept that service, and apparently now is my moment. I am grateful to be the recipient, humbled to be where I am, and working on my willingness. God is good, and the world is so full of His Children, those who fill this place with light. I have been grateful to live among them here in Idaho, back in Arizona, and am excited to meet a few more of His Choice Children as we begin a new season in Georgia. I hope that when my turn to serve comes around again that I remember this lesson and shine bright like a diamond.
In other news, Jason and I went to prom this week and had a blast. Alisabeth is finishing school with flying colors. She's had 12/12 on her spelling tests the last few weeks. She also helped me write out thank you cards for her teacher, the principal and her kindergarten teacher and without prompting at all she did a great job of saying thanks (in my opinion). She has also been an amazing helper with her brother. I love her to pieces.
Kryton is gaining his vocabulary at an astounding rate. He is up to full phrases now (common ones that he hears from us all the time). He and Alisabeth played hide and seek the other day for quite a while and he actually grasped that he was looking for her and she for him. It was adorable. He is struggling a bit with all the change though, so that's been a hard on everyone, but he's still got such a curiosity and happy disposition that the rages are somewhat easy to ignore.
Jason has been amazing. To get the house ready he has repaired, replaced, painted, detailed, and built everything from the fire alarm (original to the 1950's house) that finally decided it was giving up on life, to the back fence that now sports two removable sections where the broken swinging gate used to be. He's packed, re-packed, dealt with my nesting, and my frazzled nerves. He's massaged my feet and legs, been a stay at home dad, and now he's packing our things across the world so he can begin his new job at almost the exact same time I will be induced.
I could have asked for a more amazing husband, a prince among men. How grateful I am that the Lord heard my pleading and literally dropped the perfect man for me in my lap. (although he was a little shorter than I expected).
I'm doing well overall too. Mentally I feel a little on edge, for obvious reasons, but I'll handle it, and get back to where I need to be. I actually found a prom dress that fit over my belly, very cute and simple, so I splurged to rent in and together with another couple we danced the night away to good old classics.
God has been so good to us. I am excited for what may come.
I had all my plans, I had everything booked and readied. I thought we were covered and set and I was all settled in and prepped for the short duration as I finish work, get Alisabeth done with school, and then head to our new home where we would have our third child and live happily ever after.
I should have known that was too easy. :)
Instead a significant swelling began a few months ago, worse than I'd had during the first two pregnancies. I could live with swelling though, it would go away eventually once the baby was born. Then came the high blood pressure. Not just high, high enough that my doctor's eyes widened in disbelief. From perfectly normal two weeks before to nearly 160 over something in the 90's. I don't know what those numbers mean, of course, but the nurse's concern and the doctor's immediate prescription of no more doing anything and having to relax got my attention.
Two weeks later (today) I went in again. This time there's protein in the urine, my blood pressure was 143 over 90something and the swelling is getting worse, especially in the morning when I can't even press my lips together because my entire face feels like a blowfish all poofed out. Today he decided that not only can I NOT fly out to give birth in Atlanta, but he's also taking the baby early. I'm at 35.5 weeks now, so 1.5 weeks from now Ambyr Lynn will see the world for the first time, ready or not.
Suddenly the entire world shifted and all of my carefully laid plans fell into the giant sinkhole that opened beneath my feet. The shock still hasn't really caught up to me. I have so much to do, and now I literally have no time to do it in. I was supposed to finish a bunch of audits stuff at work, doc says I would be better off not working at all, but I can't just leave everything in pieces, so I'm at least finishing out the week. We still have a car to deal with, and a house, and I have to babies who I'm not supposed to run after, but that's nearly impossible with an eighteen month old. On top of that I was REALLY counting on these last two weeks to finish cleaning and sprucing the house (I figured I would be able to do an hour a day without stressing my body too much, but that's not going to happen now either).
I've been crying off and on all day when I think about it, so I try not to. I've always tried to be the strong one. Nothing kills me more than helplessness, and yet, here I sit on my couch wondering how much it's going to hurt to stand up and head to bed with the kids, or if I'll even be able to sleep because of how uncomfortable the swelling can get.
And thus I find that it's time, once again, to learn the humbling lesson of being served. Christ does it for me all the time, but I guess I've grown accustomed to that, which is a problem in and of itself. Now, however, I have to accept that I really can do nothing of myself. The only way my kids are going to get taken care of is to plead and accept help from the many many people around me. So I post a quiet plea on facebook, knowing that it's family night and the chances of it being seen quickly are probably low. Not five minutes later I have a response. "I have everything on your list and more, what else do you need? How about dinner tomorrow? What time will you be home?"
A second response within minutes of the first, "I'll make dinner Thursday, what else can I do?" (This from the woman who already agreed to watch my kids all day for three days while I work.)
Then the barrage hits and I am literally overwhelmed by messages of concern and offers of items, and toys and things for the kids and for me.
Compound this with gifts from neighbors and others so that when we travel the children will have new coloring books, toys and crayons for the trip, letters and visits of love and how much we'll be missed. Cards, last minute dinner invitations, laughter and friends and it's no wonder we'll miss this area so much. The people here are so willing to share what God has given them, whether it's a smile and a phone call, or dinner and toys for a few weeks.
My house is bare and yet it has never felt so full. My heart is full too.
Then I had to go and read this month's message from our prophet. It's a message we're supposed to take and share with each other as women of the church, a simple message really, but so poignant and perfect in this moment: Christ lived a life of service and we are to serve and minister as he has done. When we do we bless lives and point others toward Him.
Well, isn't that the truth. I have definitely been blessed, and my thoughts immediately turned in gratitude toward my God who has always, and will ALWAYS provide a way for us.
I understand that it's our duty to serve, but the only way that's possible is if someone is willing to accept that service, and apparently now is my moment. I am grateful to be the recipient, humbled to be where I am, and working on my willingness. God is good, and the world is so full of His Children, those who fill this place with light. I have been grateful to live among them here in Idaho, back in Arizona, and am excited to meet a few more of His Choice Children as we begin a new season in Georgia. I hope that when my turn to serve comes around again that I remember this lesson and shine bright like a diamond.
In other news, Jason and I went to prom this week and had a blast. Alisabeth is finishing school with flying colors. She's had 12/12 on her spelling tests the last few weeks. She also helped me write out thank you cards for her teacher, the principal and her kindergarten teacher and without prompting at all she did a great job of saying thanks (in my opinion). She has also been an amazing helper with her brother. I love her to pieces.
Kryton is gaining his vocabulary at an astounding rate. He is up to full phrases now (common ones that he hears from us all the time). He and Alisabeth played hide and seek the other day for quite a while and he actually grasped that he was looking for her and she for him. It was adorable. He is struggling a bit with all the change though, so that's been a hard on everyone, but he's still got such a curiosity and happy disposition that the rages are somewhat easy to ignore.
Jason has been amazing. To get the house ready he has repaired, replaced, painted, detailed, and built everything from the fire alarm (original to the 1950's house) that finally decided it was giving up on life, to the back fence that now sports two removable sections where the broken swinging gate used to be. He's packed, re-packed, dealt with my nesting, and my frazzled nerves. He's massaged my feet and legs, been a stay at home dad, and now he's packing our things across the world so he can begin his new job at almost the exact same time I will be induced.
I could have asked for a more amazing husband, a prince among men. How grateful I am that the Lord heard my pleading and literally dropped the perfect man for me in my lap. (although he was a little shorter than I expected).
I'm doing well overall too. Mentally I feel a little on edge, for obvious reasons, but I'll handle it, and get back to where I need to be. I actually found a prom dress that fit over my belly, very cute and simple, so I splurged to rent in and together with another couple we danced the night away to good old classics.
God has been so good to us. I am excited for what may come.
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