First thing's first. Ever since having Kryton more than a year ago I've had complications. Continual bleeding, and lots of other things. I've been in and out of the doctor including having a minor surgery in May.
Now I need to preface this with 1 fact. My husband used his Priesthood to give me a blessing before the first surgery. In it I was told that the Lord was completely aware of me and that through everything I would go through I would see His hand and know that He was in control.
After the surgery we had a few more visits but I'd pretty much resigned myself to whatever my body decided to do, then I had the day of pain. I was out of the office working at a client. I had a little discomfort and went to the restroom where I proceeded to die. It was worse than a gall bladder attack. Worse than natural labor. Worse than going from a 1 to a 10 in 1 hr. I thought I was going to throw up, but I couldn't move to do it. I was sweating because of the intensity of the pain. When I finally could move again I just lay on the bathroom floor for about fifteen minutes. From there I moved cautiously to a couch just outside the bathroom and waited another ten minutes. From there I made it all the way back to my team and then lay on the ground behind our little area and out of sight for another fifteen minutes. My boss said I was as white as a sheet. She was really worried.
The next day I scheduled an appointment with the doctor. I was still tender but I'd had no other similar pain. Still, that's not something I was willing to ignore. So I went and they pushed around on my guts and wanted to just pass it off as a gastrointestinal thing. That wasn't enough for me. I kept insisting on more and the doctor finally authorized an ultrasound.
The ultrasound happened soon after and while in there the technician saw an abnormal amount of blood being pumped into one spot of my uterus. In addition there was a large section of abnormal coloring. It was obvious. Even I could see it. H
er concern, although very well hidden, was obvious as well. She took the measurements, did some excruciating things to try to make sure it wasn't connected to the ovary, and ordered a pregnancy test just in case it was a tubal pregnancy.
It wasn't.
So the doctor ran blood tests to verify that it wasn't cancerous and we scheduled a surgery to remove the unknown mass.
The surgery ended up getting pushed out a bit and didn't happen till about 6 weeks after that ultrasound appointment.
Now for the miracles.
I prepped myself for the surgery. I had people fasting and praying for me, I was a little worried because there was a decent chance that the doctor would have to take the ovary as well. Jason took time off work and together we dropped the kids off at preschool and then spent the day together until we needed to go in to the hospital.
We got in, got prepped, and then the nurse came over and started getting me all ready to get fluidized (prepping me for surgery). As she lifts my arm to put in the needle another nurse comes in the room. She glances toward me and then says, in a slightly harried voice, "I need to talk to you."
My nurse almost continued with the injection, but after a second she put the needle down and followed her co-worker from the room. They were gone for 20 minutes while Jason and I laughed.
When she came back she said that the doctor was on his way and needed to speak to me before we proceeded. We waited another 20 minutes, now getting just a little annoyed with the fact that things weren't moving forward. Then the doctor appeared with a strange grin. "We can't do the surgery today. You're pregnant."
"Wha?"
"Your pregnancy test came back positive, so we can't do the surgery."
"But you just took a pregnancy test at our last visit?"
"Yes, and it was negative."
Let me pause here and explain why this is a miracle: I mentioned complications. One of these complications is that my body was continually shedding the uterin lining. Pregnancy under those circumstances was thought nearly impossible. On top of that the 5 years between Kryton and Alisabeth suggested that we were going to have a tough time with kids in general. Let's add into this story the fact that Jason is gone for 1/2 the week every week, and I was too shocked to speak.
The doctor congratulated us, but also gave us the warning: The size of the mass that we had seen suggested there would be complications. It could continue to grow and wrap around the fallopian tube, it could damage the baby or hamper it's growth. There was no way to tell, but he was optimistic and said that if the baby survived to the second trimester he would be able to perform surgery at that time and remove it without endangering the baby too much.
We went home thrilled, terrified, excited, and unsure about the future. At the same time we were too excited to hide our news. We tried to share the good and the bad so a miscarriage wouldn't be unexpected, but we couldn't stop ourselves from sharing.
I scheduled an appointment for the next week, which got delayed for two weeks, and when we finally got in there I was anxious to look at the ultrasound. Had the mass grown? With a pregnancy I knew nutrients would be shunted to the uterus and that would only serve to feed it right? I had nightmares of seeing my tiny jelly bean next to a huge monster blob. So the ultrasound technician gets started (not remembering me and my situation). Finds that baby without too many problems and snaps a few pictures. Meanwhile I'm searching the image for the discolored mass. She checks out the right ovary and then the left, no issues.
"I'm going to have to press just a bit, I didn't get a good image on that one."
"That's alright, nothing you do can be as painful as what you did last time." I joke.
"What?"
"Last time, there was a mass and you wanted to see if it was connected to the ovary. . . "
Her eyes widen. "That was you? I remember that! I have a picture of it on my board to follow up. Did you get the surgery?""No, I'm pregnant so they couldn't do it."
She immediately shifts focus and begins searching for it. We searched everywhere spinning the camera in a 360 degree view. Got to see the baby a bit more, but no mass. Nothing. No discoloration, no additional blood flow except to my little grain of rice. The mass was completely gone.
Puzzled she shot a few pics of the same area, verifying it against the previous images, and then packed up and shook her head in amazement.
The doctor did the same. He says we'll check again in a few months just to make sure it's really gone.
Jason's co-workers said the baby got hungry. I'm okay with that.
If that were it, it would be miracle enough, but the Lord's hand is still working, and I have more to be amazed and grateful for.
I'm fairly certain it's a girl already. Why? Because of how sick I started to get. With Alisabeth I spent the first four months lying in my chair at work and just wishing I could die. With Kryton I was tired but that was the worst of it. Soon after the doctor's appointment I hit the six week mark for the baby and started to feel like crap. I had to eat every 2 hours or less. At first it was just 'had to eat.' that soon transitioned to "what can I eat?" Everything tasted disgusting or made me want to throw up. I could eat two or three bites and then wouldn't be able to get anything else down. On top of that I got a 24 hour stomach virus and nearly died. Even water wouldn't stay down.
Meanwhile remember that Jason is only here 3 days out of the week. Thank goodness we had some wonderful friends staying with us. They put Alisabeth to bed a few times because I was long gone and she was still bouncing around the house at 9 at night.
But they moved out last week.
So I came home, tried to make food for all of us. Managed to feed Kryton, but couldn't feed myself. Put everyone to bed and tried to eat again. In total I got down 4 small bites of food before I had to go lie down. As I lay there in the darkness wondering if I would survive the night (yes, I'm dramatic, but nausea, hunger and general feeling like crap does that to me). I started to pray. I begged for help. I asked that I might have the strength to endure and be able to eat and function normally. My children needed me, and I knew the baby wouldn't survive long. (I've already lost 10 lbs and it's only been two weeks).
I went to sleep soon after.
When I woke up at 6:30 to hear my son screaming I rolled out of bed awake. I got him up, we ate a small breakfast together and then Alisabeth woke up and we all started our morning routine. I went to work where I ate two meals and felt fine all day. I came home and made dinner without a problem. I woke up the next morning and repeated the pattern. Sickness completely gone. Completely. I am still tired, and I still need to eat at least once in 4 hours, but this is my fourth day and He's still blessing me.
I can't say I'm the most deserving. I need to improve myself, but I can say that Jason's blessing has repeated itself over and over throughout this experience. I have definitely seen His hand. I can feel His presence in everything that has happened. I don't exactly understand the reasons for all of it, but I can't shake the feeling that everything was intricately connected and necessary to bring this little grain of rice into our lives.
Each of our children has been a little miracle. Each has been a divine gift. This baby, however, has been the most blatant one so far. I hope that I can prove myself worthy of the abundance He has given us. To be surrounded by amazing family and friends; lavished with riches beyond my comprehension; protected at every turn; blessed with abundance and the charity of others; granted the opportunity to live in a free world where I can express my views (and let others express theirs and both be okay); a place where we are daily granted the peace to know that He is watching our future carefully; to have jobs that not only support, but give us freedom to enjoy the riches of the earth and our surroundings; to have Temples; to know of God. All of these blessings and more astound me. How can I be so lucky? How can I ever give back enough to show Him how much I appreciate it?
All I can do is pass it on. I try to. I try hard to show His hand to everyone around me; to give back. I hope my little grain of rice, and our other beautiful children will learn and know this as well. To God I give my thanks. To my family and friends I leave my testimony that He's working for you too. I know it's true. He'll prove it to you too, if you look for Him. This is my miracle.
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